Spooky sites sound all right

Maybe you are one of those people who are completely terrified of computers, the Internet and lemon-flavored cough drops. If so, you probably are no where near being able to read this column, and if I had to guess, you are most likely hiding in a basement in Turkey. That is, if they have basements in Turkey. So if you know someone like this, please print this column immediately and send it to them because it could save their life.

Keep your eyes open when wagering online

I bet you $100 you've visited an online gambling site.

Ha! What a trick. See, if you said no, but I had to pay you, then it would be gambling.

Online gambling, much like the beginning of this column, seems to be frustrating and silly. For the sake of every potential column reader, I've looked at a few online gambling sites and come to a simple conclusion -- I am sick of blinking Web sites.

Don't let DoS attacks send you to the circus

Sometimes Web sites don't work. They just don't. There are plenty of reasons, including &quot the sun was in my eyes,&quot why a particular site will not work. It's definitely frustrating when you know other sites are working, except the one you want to go to, The Original World Famous Home Appliance Shooting Page, just won't boot.

Find love -- it's right there, under the sink

"Believe it or not, I'd rather clean a bathroom than watch a football game."
-- whatever man said this would probably prefer to remain anonymous

I'll give you three guesses to determine where I found this quote. No, not the bakery. No, not the thesaurus. Yes, an online dating service!

Links make the World Wide Web go 'round

I'm the kind of person who likes to know how something works. In a world where many things cannot be explained -- volcanoes, the afterlife, females -- it's good to know there is a logical explanation for Internet linking.

Linking is not a new concept. Marco Polo is said to have marveled at Asia's ability to store files and download directions from Mapquest. How do you think he made it back?

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Random News

Type the wrong URL, your computer could go BOOM!

I have a little extra time this week, so I decided I would find an extremely thought-provoking aspect of technology to write about.

Then I thought, forget that, I'll just put together a couple of essays from my volumes of research on the adult Web site industry. Then I thought, no, I should really save that for something big, like Columbus Day. So I landed somewhere in between for this week's column.

No joke, some octopi can walk on two arms

In what appears to defy the laws of nature, an octopus has been videotaped taking a leisurely stroll along the ocean floor in Indonesia.

"I do this all the time," the octopus said. "What's funny is I recently showed my friends a videotape of people walking on two legs. They were stunned."

Prove you're not as crazy as everyone says

A few years back, I created the Crazy Survey. As I received people's results from this largely non-scientific survey, I laughed, I cried and I pondered why there were so many crazy people in the world.

Actually, that's not true. I mainly wondered if anyone thought the survey could possibly uncover the secrets of humanity's desire to be unique, yet be similar enough to others to live in society. Up until now, I would have to say the answer has been a resounding no.

Be prepared

Hard hat. Check.

Two years' worth of provisions, including 80 cans of Spam and 72 cans of beans. Check.

Can opener. Definite check.

Before preparing for the upcoming Y2K crisis, make a short checklist of necessary items. Because the problems could last until the Y3K crisis, it's better to be safe than sorry.

Is anyone really buying into this? Is a modern computer, which was invented sometime in the mid '50s, really going to believe it went back in time? Even without a flux capacitor or Michael J. Fox's Delorean?

Maryland legislators lose social networking access at work

There are a couple of different ways to look at the recent reports that the computers used by Maryland's General Assembly can no longer retrieve Facebook or MySpace pages. Is it really necessary for these individuals to be wasting their time on social networking sites, chatting with their friends, throwing virtual snowballs, and gathering a team for Mafia Wars?

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