The results are in: Bush, Gore lose to The Golf Channel

I have one simple request for Christmas -- that someone, ANYONE, will finally be named president. Yes, we have George W. and Al, but if they name Al W. George out of Minot, N.D., instead, that would be fine.

What caused this whole problem? The people of the United States, of course, always trying to stir up trouble, whether it's at the local moose lodge or bingo hall. Can't people fill in the correct circles? Can't people count votes right? Can't people use turning signals when changing lanes?

E-mails overrunning a business near you

Is this what the world is coming to? People sitting 6 inches away from each other will not talk to each other but instead, write short e-mails?

An example:

From: Someone

Sent: November, Wednesday 1, 2000 11:41 AM

To: Someone else

Subject: Outside

Did you see that?

Spooky sites sound all right

Maybe you are one of those people who are completely terrified of computers, the Internet and lemon-flavored cough drops. If so, you probably are no where near being able to read this column, and if I had to guess, you are most likely hiding in a basement in Turkey. That is, if they have basements in Turkey. So if you know someone like this, please print this column immediately and send it to them because it could save their life.

Keep your eyes open when wagering online

I bet you $100 you've visited an online gambling site.

Ha! What a trick. See, if you said no, but I had to pay you, then it would be gambling.

Online gambling, much like the beginning of this column, seems to be frustrating and silly. For the sake of every potential column reader, I've looked at a few online gambling sites and come to a simple conclusion -- I am sick of blinking Web sites.

Don't let DoS attacks send you to the circus

Sometimes Web sites don't work. They just don't. There are plenty of reasons, including &quot the sun was in my eyes,&quot why a particular site will not work. It's definitely frustrating when you know other sites are working, except the one you want to go to, The Original World Famous Home Appliance Shooting Page, just won't boot.

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Random News

Library book group reading 'The Developers'

While I've heard possible book groups picking up "The Developers," I just recently found out that one is taking the next step and actually reading it. The Crawfordsville (Ind.) Public Library is in the process of reading the novel, and the book discussion is set for 6:30 p.m. Dec. 4. I will join the group via audio chat to discuss the book and anything other questions I can answer, at least I hope so!

Men vs. women: Who's smarter?

This question is easy. Of course, women are smarter. Or wait, maybe it's men. Or maybe it's neither.

If you listen to psychologists Paul Irwing and Richard Lynn, you might think men are more intelligent than women by about five IQ points on average. The study is due to be published in the British Journal of Psychology.

Keep breathing, even if you can't get to the Internet

For someone who depends on the Internet for many things (assuming my mom will stop calling and just instant message me), it is definitely easy to get freaked out when my connection goes down. I usually run a few tests and check a couple of different websites, just in case it's only one server out there (perhaps my email) instead of a complete outage.

Stalking, IM style

People who use instant messenger services occasionally receive chat requests from people they don't have on their buddy list. Usually these messages are from random people or lost friends and mean no harm. Every once in awhile, though, a message will pop up from your IM stalker.

Cards turning magical run into reality

(We interrupt this regularly scheduled program to give you information about the only important thing going on this weekend ... the Louisville Cardinals in the Final Four)

University of Louisville basketball coach Rick Pitino is currently in the process of pulling off the greatest magic trick of all time.

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