Grass cutting fun

In today's society, there are two groups of people — ones who get paid to cut grass and ones who cut grass only because it's their duty to the country. Actually there's a third, smaller group of people, composed mostly of apartment dwellers, kids and travel agents. But they, too, have either had to cut the grass or will in the future.

What are fireworks salespeople up to now anyway?

Nomads have wandered through cities during the last two weeks, sold their goods and departed for lands of milk and honey.

They don't leave a trail, but their wares do – usually ashes, perhaps a foul-smelling odor but always a glowing experience.

Fireworks salespeople have rigorous lives. I recently caught up with one such seller, Smokin' Joe Romancandle. What follows is his normal day:

6 a.m. Wakes up, sings the "Star-Spangled Banner," eats a Pop-Tart and brushes his teeth.

Shark cartilage possesses a mean bite

Last month I was in Wal-Mart, and I aimlessly wandered into the vitamin aisle. There were hundreds of nutritional supplement items, but one caught my attention – shark cartilage.

Unfortunately, the label contained little information pertaining to what the product actually does, such as make one lose weight or grow a dorsal fin.

As a kid, I used to see "Jaws" on my wall at bedtime. Now I see health companies trying to withhold routine information on Jaws' cousins.

Can you keep a secret?

Can you keep a secret?

Last week, I met with a special agent from the Department of Defense. I had my shrubbery costume ready (luckily, there were no dogs around), but it wasn't necessary. The agent led me into a room in the Crawfordsville Armory, looked both ways and closed the door. The questioning was ready to begin.

Truth, justice and the Southern way

Anyone fed up with the government? Ready to turn in your "Made in the U.S.A." clothing? You could have a chance to do just that — if you move south.

Southern Party organizers have registered with the secretaries of state in Florida, Georgia, Texas and Virginia, according to the Associated Press. The party hopes to establish ties in all former Confederate States plus six border states and eventually secede from the Union, a la the Civil War.

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Random News

Make sure you are registered to vote

The last day to register to vote in Maryland is next Tuesday, October 14th.

Are you registered? Are your friends and family?

Visit VoteForChange.com, our one-stop voter registration website, and register before the Maryland deadline.

Another advice columnist

I'm really, really getting frustrated by the advice Dear Abby hands out to people on a daily basis. Millions of people read this, and many times, what she has to say is incorrect!

Book review: "The War for Wealth" by Gabor Steingart

If you follow the news at all (assuming you are human), you have probably thought a time or two about the economy in which you live. In the U.S., the economy has a feeling of bleakness for some, stagnation for others and, for all of the non-humans out there, a place to find bizarre fashion trends that come around multiple times (plaid shorts and poofy hair, for example).

Learning the guitar made easier

Let me stop you first before you begin reading this brief story. This isn't a tale about how a 6-year-old became so good at the video game "Guitar Hero" that he is now joining the Led Zepplin revival tour.

While "Guitar Hero" is an option for someone who is mildly interested in the guitar, it's not going to be a "Stairway to Heaven" and teach actual chords and music. A Fretlight Guitar, however, could be the answer to teaching yourself how to play.

Finished! Well, not really

I finally completed the last chapter of "Polos to Ties." I wish I could say that I'm ready to publish, but I have plenty of cleanup left to do. Right now, I'm sending queries and proposals to literary agencies, hoping that one of them will push to the major publishing houses. I've had interest, but I still haven't inked a deal just yet.

Also, I'm in the process of selecting an editor or two to help refine my novel. I'll post more details when I announce my picks.

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