Birds are respected, taste good too

One man's meal has become another man's menace.

Go visit Key West, Fla., and see the melees on the streets. The town is not infested with teen-aged gangs causing trouble. Instead, chickens decorate the roads like I-74 construction cones.

The Associated Press reported the problem, according to one local, is that the chickens "are meaner than anything." The local law allows no chicken harassment. Some residents throw ice cubes at the birds because the cubes melt, unlike rocks or javelins.

"Springer" a synomyn for violence

Some people eat peanut butter sandwiches without the jelly. Others think Cher was better without Sonny.

But "The Jerry Springer Show" without fights? Could that be possible?

Good prequels

"Star Wars" has been in theaters for two days now. Is anyone still counting? Die-hard fans have probably already memorized the movie and are currently petitioning for title roles in the next installment.

The rest of us, "Star Wars" fans or not, have moved on with our lives. The movie was good, the special effects and sound were excellent, but there are other things to do, like clean the bathroom or raise porcupines.

Helping or something to that effect

Fold out a brown cardboard box.

Add five strips of tape - three long ways, two short ways - to the bottom.

Stack a layer of canned goods, maybe some baby food and toiletries, followed by a layer of clothes or towels or another random packing item.

Seal the box with five more pieces of tape, load it and be ready for another.

Crawfordsville residents weren't moving, but they were following a recipe for others who were. No one really knew who they were helping, but the cars of goods rarely stopped last weekend at the Hoosiers Helping the Heartland drive.

A crock of a column

Most people probably think Crock-Pots, stoneware slow cookers, are about as interesting as clothes hangers. They take up space, are decorated with small vegetable pictures and stand out like a drunk at a frat party.

But the real question concerning the cookware is — how come everything you put in a Crock-Pot always tastes like ... a Crock-Pot?

Pages

Random News

March Madness indeed

I typically don't use my website to profess my obsession with University of Louisville sports. But the end of the 2012 season is worth documenting, not only for me, but for the ridiculousness (Russdiculous?) involved.

In January, there was some discussion about attending the Big East Tournament. My stepdad, who splits time between Texas and Louisville, would already be there; my mom, who lives in Louisville, was assuredly going; my brother, who lives in Los Angeles, wanted to check it out; and my uncle, who was overseas until March, was considering as well.

Are you dead or alive

It has come to my attention that celebrities really

do have everything. I'm not just talking about stardom,

money and infomercials selling things like the Flowbee.

If at any time celebrities question whether or not they

are dead, they can find out instantly at Dead

or Alive.

Do your friends REALLY know you?

If you're like me, you receive a large number of forwarded emails from friends;

many of them are funny, many are factually incorrect and many are just pointless.

Then again, if you are like me, you have worn an eye patch for the eighth consecutive

year at Halloween, but that's beside the point.

Another popular email forward are those in which people list a bunch of questions

about themselves. They might mention their favorite food, their middle name,

their favorite smell, anything that could help you understand who they are,

Sharks getting into the holiday spirit

If you've had enough of Christmas music being played incessantly throughout your region, just be thankful you are not a shark at Loch Lomond Sea Life Centre in the United Kingdom. There, scientists are examining sharks' reactions to Christmas tunes.

Cue the "We Three Kingfishes" remake.

Ticket turns into hassle

Most sensible people would probably concede, pay the ticket and try harder next time. Not me. Finally, Aug. 2 at 8:50 a.m., the charges were dismissed. I was a free man. But the way it happened was a bit intriguing.

Pages

Subscribe to Front page feed