Brush, but not too hard

There's nothing worse than people complaining about a product because it works too well.

For instance, there's glue. Try using that stuff that holds elephants from a trapeze by their teeth. If you accidentally glue the elephant's ear to the swing, the immobile animal will be stuck forever.

Another example is plastic wrap. You try to wrap something in it, but the stuff just clings together. Being persistent, you try to unwrap it. But the static forces that bind the universe won't allow a simple tug to do the trick.

Buy now.. low price... lifetime guarantee

One big disadvantage working at night is the television quality when I arrive home. Sometimes there could be a "Perfect Strangers" rerun or two, and possibly an old game show, but most channels are overrun by infomercials.

Webster defines an infomercial as "a long television commercial, often made to resemble a talk show, educational demonstration, interview, etc." Kudos to Webster's assessment. The only words missing from the definition are "trash," "ridiculous" and "cheap."

Now's the time to become a pirate

There are a plenty of new careers and opportunities these days, yet you rarely see anyone entering the piracy field. Some people have invented their own versions of a shipwrecked pirate - stealing stereos, hacking into computer files, playing baseball in Pittsburgh - but few take their chances on the high seas.

On the other hand, the Assocated Press said pirates killed more people in 1998 than the year before. The International Maritime Bureau reported Malaysian pirates, who killed 67 crewmen last year, are "getting increasingly violent."

Pirates? Violent?

Peeps do not fare well when put to the test

Easter has come and gone like a gypsy caravan once again, but one thing still remains — Easter candy. Checking expiration dates on bags and containers, 1999 Easter candy should last until 2450. People decide to buy candy following the holiday in hopes of big bargains.

A specific type of candy has intrigued many and plagued worldwide analysists with a simple question, "What is a Peep?"

Baseball and math add up

Today we will discuss a simple mathematical equation.

Baseball = Life

On the surface, it's a pretty simple equation. But it can be expanded to read the following: stitches/323(Yankees) * Concession stands^3+tickets - 37(fungoes) = Life

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Random News

Final stop: Evansville and Owensboro

"The Developers" book tour is almost over, at least, for now. I will be signing and discussing the book 12-2 p.m. Oct. 15 at the Evansville Barnes & Noble (624 S Green River Rd). He will then make his final stop 4-6 p.m. at the Owensboro Books-A-Million (4606 Frederica Street).

These cities will be the 10th and 11th during my tour. I have had a lot of fun and have met a lot of people, many of whom are totally insane. At least I have pegged my audience correctly!

Snail mail the newest tech advance?

Next time someone mentions that they plan to send something to you via snail mail, you may need to specifically ask them whether or not you should expect it in the next few weeks or few years.

Newspapers appear headed for bigger things on the Net

Seen as a move that might lead other newspaper chains to do the same, The New York Times acquired About.com for about $410 million, as reported in this Reuters article. This also comes on the heels of the Dow Jones & Co. Inc. deal to purchase the website MarketWatch Inc. as well.

SimpleTEXT creates a visual symphony

I'll admit that although I consider myself a technophile, I'm not really into cell phone text messaging.

There are a few reasons for this. First, I'm at my computer roughly 46 hours each day (at least, that's what our time management system says I should be doing). So if I want to send a message, I can easily do it via a keyboard. Second, I'm not that fast in typing the letters and words on a phone. Third, I'd prefer to not touch my phone anyway. I have a Bluetooth headset, so I can hit the button to pick up calls fairly easily.

Grass cutting fun

In today's society, there are two groups of people — ones who get paid to cut grass and ones who cut grass only because it's their duty to the country. Actually there's a third, smaller group of people, composed mostly of apartment dwellers, kids and travel agents. But they, too, have either had to cut the grass or will in the future.

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