So many firsts, so little time

The race is on for the first millennium baby. Some experts believe the race should start sometime next week. Every year, the first birth is always an interesting event. Think of the accolades the first-born 2000 baby will receive.

Unfortunately, there's a better chance of seeing Burt Reynolds at a polka convention than predicting the day your child will be born.

Be prepared

Hard hat. Check.

Two years' worth of provisions, including 80 cans of Spam and 72 cans of beans. Check.

Can opener. Definite check.

Before preparing for the upcoming Y2K crisis, make a short checklist of necessary items. Because the problems could last until the Y3K crisis, it's better to be safe than sorry.

Is anyone really buying into this? Is a modern computer, which was invented sometime in the mid '50s, really going to believe it went back in time? Even without a flux capacitor or Michael J. Fox's Delorean?

Grandparents

There are at least 56,828 things to do during spring break. If you have a credit card, or know how to use a stolen one, the number grows exponentially. But there is one activity that rarely gets a lot of hype this time of year.

Some people live a paper airplane's throw away from relatives, but most do not. I'm also betting days, fortnights, maybe even months have passed since your last family visit.

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I met a guy yesterday who claimed to be Jesus. I asked him how he knew that he was indeed Jesus. He said, "How do you know that I'm not?" I looked at him with a puzzled look on my face. He then said, "How do you know that you're not Him?"

I started to walk away, but I noticed the man speaking to other individuals, pointing in my direction. I could not hear what he was saying. Finally, he shouted, "It takes only one person to have faith!" I wasn't sure what this meant, and I really didn't want to ask him about it.

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In the past, we've seen an octopus blend in with rocks, run on the ocean floor and solve a maze. That's not all they can do. Apparently, some octopuses pick up coconut shells and hide in them, the first evidence of an invertebrate using tools.

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