Baseball and math add up

Today we will discuss a simple mathematical equation.

Baseball = Life

On the surface, it's a pretty simple equation. But it can be expanded to read the following: stitches/323(Yankees) * Concession stands^3+tickets - 37(fungoes) = Life

So many firsts, so little time

The race is on for the first millennium baby. Some experts believe the race should start sometime next week. Every year, the first birth is always an interesting event. Think of the accolades the first-born 2000 baby will receive.

Unfortunately, there's a better chance of seeing Burt Reynolds at a polka convention than predicting the day your child will be born.

Be prepared

Hard hat. Check.

Two years' worth of provisions, including 80 cans of Spam and 72 cans of beans. Check.

Can opener. Definite check.

Before preparing for the upcoming Y2K crisis, make a short checklist of necessary items. Because the problems could last until the Y3K crisis, it's better to be safe than sorry.

Is anyone really buying into this? Is a modern computer, which was invented sometime in the mid '50s, really going to believe it went back in time? Even without a flux capacitor or Michael J. Fox's Delorean?

Grandparents

There are at least 56,828 things to do during spring break. If you have a credit card, or know how to use a stolen one, the number grows exponentially. But there is one activity that rarely gets a lot of hype this time of year.

Some people live a paper airplane's throw away from relatives, but most do not. I'm also betting days, fortnights, maybe even months have passed since your last family visit.

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Random News

No joke, some octopi can walk on two arms

In what appears to defy the laws of nature, an octopus has been videotaped taking a leisurely stroll along the ocean floor in Indonesia.

"I do this all the time," the octopus said. "What's funny is I recently showed my friends a videotape of people walking on two legs. They were stunned."

Richard Simmons weighs in on 'The Developers'

While it's doubtful Richard Simmons has already finished reading my book, "The Developers," it is worth noting that he already has good things to say about it.

Simmons, who is constantly referenced in the book as a lookalike of one of the characters, Rex Burns, recently responded to the book copy I sent him at his Burbank location.

"Thank you for your kind words and sense of humor," Simmons wrote on an autographed photo. "You are a gifted man!"

Help me help you with this simple questionnaire

Because I don't know that much about my readers -- for that matter, I don't even know if I have readers -- I'm putting together a short form you can answer while you read. You don't have to, you can just read the column.

Free phone for your computer?

A large portion of people, including me, have tossed away a home land line in favor of just using a cell phone. Of course, that can be problematic on occasion, especially if your cell phone service is bad.

There might a remedy available, even without going through on of your local telecom companies. Gizmo (not to be confused with the little guy on "Gremlins" touts itself as a free phone for your computer.

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