GAC: Finding the email of a potential date

QUESTION

Is it OK to email someone you are interested in dating, even if that person didn't give you his/her address personally?

AMANDA: NO

My opinion is no, unless you want to look like a stalker. The obvious response to the email will be, "So, how did you get my address?" And what will the reply to that be? "Oh, I decided to look at member directories at every email service I could think of to try to find out how to contact you." Talk about scaring someone off!

The only way I would admit it is OK to email the person would be if you had a mutual friend who had his/her email address, or if the person had his/her own website where the email address was plainly posted so anyone could email the person.

JOHN: NO

No, it's not OK if you didn't get the email addresses from them directly. I consider this along the same lines as calling people without getting their phone numbers from them yourself (even though you can look it up in the phone book). More often than not, I think that would scare the other person off. Mainly, because they may be thinking that you're doing a little more research into their lives than they would like you to. I can't say that I haven't done it before, but not for a hook-up opportunity.

Of course, the person receiving the email can cut you off before you have a chance to hit them up for a date by tagging your email address as spam and never having to see your name again, then you know you don't have a chance. If you want to do it right, talk to the person first, then ask for his/her phone number or email address. If the person gives it to you then you're all set, if not, then go stalk someone else, because I'm sure the other person will have a restraining order out on you soon enough.

LINDA: YES

I think it would be cute if someone took the liberty to get your email address. It shows that they have initiative. If they turn out to be psycho you can always block them as a sender or change your email address.

BEN: YES

The answer lies mostly in how you obtain the email address. For instance, if it's easy to figure out the email address because it's posted on a company website or a directory, then it would seem to be fair game. But if you have to actually do a little searching to find it, well, that could be a little suspect.

Another important aspect is whether or not you've had contact with this person in the past. If so, it could make sense to use email to stay in touch. Then again, the person doesn't have to email you back. And let's face it: If the person doesn't email you back, he/she probably wasn't interested in the first place!

NATE: NO

To me it isnt OK to email someone you are interested in dating, even if you DO know the email address. When someone has to find out the email of their crush just to ask them out, he/she should at least have the confidence to ask the person out personally. Plus, I'm pretty sure girls like confidence from guys ... but I guess you will have to ask a girl about that!

RESULT

Is it OK to email someone you are interested in dating, even if that person didn't give you his/her address personally? NO, 3-2

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