Here's the deal: take the quiz. Don't forget to input your email address so I can tabulate the results (your address will be used only for this test, but if you are insane, I may have to turn it over to the local authorities). Then if you have any comments or complaints about your results, or better yet, better questions for the quiz, send them to me and I'll make sure you are upgraded to the highest level of crazy possible. OK, here it goes:
1. Do you believe in the power of the horoscope?
A. Yes, and I check my friends' and pets' horoscopes as well.
B. It's interesting and I try to look my best during a four-star day.
C. Not really but I do read it occasionally.
D. I laugh at those who read their horoscopes!
2. What are your feelings about the drink Dr Pepper?
A. It's gross. B. It's OK, but it's not my favorite drink. C. I like it and drink it more often than not. D. I drink Dr Pepper, therefore, I am.
3. How many crazy people do you know? A. Zero B. 1-2 C. 3-9 D. Everyone I know, it seems, is crazy!
4. What do you think about in the shower? A. Random stuff, like yarn, bowling, bowling with a yarn ball B. Songs, especially those sung by Lionel Richie C. What you are going to wear when you get out of the shower D. Trying to remember the dreams you had E. Ideas to fix a problem
5. How many shows a week do you tape and watch later? A. Zero B. 1-2 C. 3-4 D. Every show, including CNN and the 700 Club
6. Do you remember your dreams? A. Always B. Sometimes C. Never D. Only if I can remember them
7. How many times have you witnessed extraterrestrial activity? A. None B. None that I can remember C. At least once D. If I tell you, the aliens might kill me
8. Look at my picture. Do you think I'm crazy? A. Yes B. Possibly C. No D. It's hard to tell because the aliens are in front of my screen
9. What is your opinion on Wal-Mart? A. It's heaven on earth. B. It has some really good prices on all sorts of stuff. C. It's OK because it's open late and I can get photos developed there. D. I'd rather sew my own clothes and milk my own cows than go there.
10. Do you think this quiz will actually determine how crazy you are? A. Yes, and I've wanted to know for a long, long time, ever since I started drinking Dr Pepper. B. It's possible, but I think I'll get a second opinion. C. I doubt it, but I like filling out these things. D. No, and if you say I'm crazy, you'd better issue an apology immediately.