I have one simple request for Christmas -- that someone, ANYONE, will finally be named president. Yes, we have George W. and Al, but if they name Al W. George out of Minot, N.D., instead, that would be fine.
What caused this whole problem? The people of the United States, of course, always trying to stir up trouble, whether it's at the local moose lodge or bingo hall. Can't people fill in the correct circles? Can't people count votes right? Can't people use turning signals when changing lanes?
Is this what the world is coming to? People sitting 6 inches away from each other will not talk to each other but instead, write short e-mails?
An example:
From: Someone
Sent: November, Wednesday 1, 2000 11:41 AM
To: Someone else
Subject: Outside
Did you see that?
Maybe you are one of those people who are completely terrified of computers, the Internet and lemon-flavored cough drops. If so, you probably are no where near being able to read this column, and if I had to guess, you are most likely hiding in a basement in Turkey. That is, if they have basements in Turkey. So if you know someone like this, please print this column immediately and send it to them because it could save their life.
I bet you $100 you've visited an online gambling site.
Ha! What a trick. See, if you said no, but I had to pay you, then it would be gambling.
Online gambling, much like the beginning of this column, seems to be frustrating and silly. For the sake of every potential column reader, I've looked at a few online gambling sites and come to a simple conclusion -- I am sick of blinking Web sites.
Sometimes Web sites don't work. They just don't. There are plenty of reasons, including " the sun was in my eyes," why a particular site will not work. It's definitely frustrating when you know other sites are working, except the one you want to go to, The Original World Famous Home Appliance Shooting Page, just won't boot.
"Believe it or not, I'd rather clean a bathroom than watch a football game."
-- whatever man said this would probably prefer to remain anonymous
I'll give you three guesses to determine where I found this quote. No, not the bakery. No, not the thesaurus. Yes, an online dating service!
I'm the kind of person who likes to know how something works. In a world where many things cannot be explained -- volcanoes, the afterlife, females -- it's good to know there is a logical explanation for Internet linking.
Linking is not a new concept. Marco Polo is said to have marveled at Asia's ability to store files and download directions from Mapquest. How do you think he made it back?
It's difficult to get a good read on the American public when trying to figure out how many people really care about the Olympics. But if any of these people want to explore the Internet looking for more information, they have plenty of options.
Let's get to the point quickly here -- all Web sites look different depending on various factors: the type of computer you are using (Mac vs. PC), the type of browser you are using (Netscape vs. Internet Explorer vs. WebTV vs. others), the types of extensions you have enabled (Java vs. QuickTime vs. others), your favorite soft drink (Coke vs. Pepsi vs. RC). It's complicated because there are so many variables, more than you had during your entire high school math career.
It's August 21, 1858, in Ottawa, Ill. You had planned on eating your lunch, which consists of whatever they ate in 1858, plus a box of Twinkies, but instead you are attacked by the flock of people heading to the public square. The sun is shining brightly so brightly, you decide it must be 1:55 p.m. You notice two people on stage, both men in their 40s. One of those guys looks just like Abraham Lincoln.
Wait a minute, it is Abraham Lincoln!