Online hairdos and don'ts

To once again prove you might find anything in this column, with the exception of celery, this week's column is about hairstyles.

Have I devised a way to get your hair cut online? No.

Have I made a searchable database with everyone in the United States with their current hairstyles? Not yet.

Was I having trouble coming up with an idea and took the first one suggested to me by a friend? Well, maybe.

But of course I have something for you. How about an entire site devoted to hairstyle history. It's called Hairstyle History. Soon they plan to do an article about Victorian ladies with extremely long hair! I can hardly wait! I checked out a couple hair wash recipes and looked at early 20th century styles. I'm exhausted. There are tons of articles. Whatever you do, please check out the Stack Perm or Disco Wedge link and wonder with me, "Why on earth would anyone do their hair like that?" But don't get the stack perm confused with the mullet. The mullet went out of style in the '80s. The stack perm was never in style to begin with.

If you are ready to get your hair cut and want to check out a couple of fashions, go to HairDos.com, make a couple of selections and see the right hairdo for you. I don't think the Stack Perm made it, but as long as you have a disco ball, anything will work for you.

These sites aren't just for women, either, although I'm guessing this will be the one and only time I check them out. At AskMen.com, I found a couple of tips on what to do with your hair, depending on the length. For instance, for short hair, you are supposed to either push your bangs forward, get your bangs upward and back or listen to the Bangles.

To prove how bored, I mean, how much research I did, I found a site with different doll hairstyles. Why you would ever need to visit this page, I'm not sure. But there is a cool picture of a Barbie with blue and white hair.

Perhaps the most interesting hairstyle site comes from Buffalo Unversity, entitled Mathematical Patterns in African American Hairstyles. I never really thought about it, but the pictures on the page of the pineapple and the pattern of the girl's hair do look similar. This also proves that the Stack Perm is, indeed, multiple loaves of bread that just didn't rise properly.

With all this talk of hairstyling, it's time for me to do something about mine. Yes, I'm going to cut it. Again. It's either that or letting it grow out like this picture. I just don't think it's for me, especially since it is past 1984. But before I do anything, I should check those doll hairstyles again, so I can get started on that searchable database.