Here's the deal: take the quiz. Don't forget to input your email address so I can tabulate the results (your address will be used only for this test, but if you are insane, I may have to turn it over to the local authorities). Then if you have any comments or complaints about your results, or better yet, better questions for the quiz, send them to me and I'll make sure you are upgraded to the highest level of crazy possible. OK, here it goes:
1. Which advertising tactic works most effectively on you? A. Hypnotism B. Models with very little clothing C. I'm completely against looking at any sort of advertising. This message is brought to you by ME. D. Commercials that are funny but are not overly complex
2. How many photos were you in last week? A. It's hard to keep count since the paparazzi started following me again. B. Hopefully zero C. My friends and I take pictures of each other occasionally, so maybe a couple. D. After I Photoshopped myself out of a photo, zero.
3. How apt are you to talk to strangers? A. In general public settings, or standing in line, I've been known to strike up a conversation. B. I rarely talk to people I know, let alone strangers. C. If I make eye contact with someone, I might say hi, or at least smile. D. Always, because I need to tell new jokes or try out great pickup lines.
4. What is the difference between reality and reality TV? A. Reality really happens, while reality TV is fiction, just like any television program outside the History Channel. B. My life IS a reality TV show. C. They're not that different because whatever happens on one of the shows actually happens. D. I have no clue, I don't watch reality TV.
5. Do you love numbers? A. Negative, null, nada, zilch, zero B. Numbers or letters, I don't really have a preference C. I can't say that I necessarily love numbers, but they are nice to have around. D. Infinitely
6. When do you know what you are going to wear the next day? A. In the morning, as I'm getting ready B. The night before C. I need to check to see what I'm wearing even now. D. I've made next week's schedule ... would you like to see it?
7. Do you talk to your computer? A. No. I refuse to talk to inanimate objects. B. I've been known to sporadically mumble a few words here and there. C. When my computer doesn't work, I might utter a profanity or two. D. LISTEN HERE COMPUTER, YOUR FEEBLE ATTEMPTS AT TRYING TO GET ME TO SHUT UP ARE USELESS!
8. How do you eat peanut butter? A. On a sandwich, maybe with jelly or honey B. Out of a jar, with a spoon or celery stick C. With chocolate primarily D. I don't eat peanut butter because I'm allergic to peanuts. E. I don't eat peanut butter because it's evil.
9. Do you like wedding songs? A. Yes, especially if Bette Midler is singing them. B. I go to weddings to sleep. C. This question is making me cry! D. Wedding songs are OK, but the "Wedding Singer" is a really funny movie.
10. Complete this sentence: "As I get older, ... " A. ... I get crazier. B. ... everyone else gets crazier. C. ... everyone else gets younger. D. I get younger.
BONUS Do you think this quiz will actually determine how crazy you are? A. Yes, because isn't everything on the Internet true? B. It's possible, but I think I'll get a second opinion. C. I doubt it, but I like wasting time filling these things out. D. No, and I'm REALLY getting tired of this computer trying to talk back at me!